What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 02:36
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
President Trump kicked Zelensky out of the White House. Is it over for a deal?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I was scared of men, in general
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Would this be the day?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Have you ever seen your wife being fucked?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
How can you maintain self-control?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He resisted the act ,that day.
Who then, do I blame.?
Are LGBT people accepted in Japan?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
How would you describe modern day Russian society, beyond just politics?
My family never makes their pension either.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
What is the American mobile phone number format?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im still living with it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I waited trembling.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Ive learnt so much.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One cannot live in the past .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I said to her
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Put me off passion for life!!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I could never make a relationship work though!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We all went to grammer schools
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
This is soul school!.
I think the readers, may guess!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I was very sick at this time too.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He knew the spot.
I don,t even have a pension.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was 9 years of age.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Comes on , in middle age.
She was in good health!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I have no regrets .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
What did i know ?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My life is so biszare .
It was going to be , some day.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
All the time i was locked up.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
When she asked me how she looked .
She loved him until the end.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But it wasn’t much.
I write beautiful poetry .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She married twice! .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As i do to all so called friends.?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But, we were locked up after school.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And i lived it daily.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We were not on the streets..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was seconnd youngest,
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She wouldn,t have been !
So whats the point in blame.
She found it foreign!.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I will be 64.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.